As we slide into fall, thoughts often turn to Halloween and the spooky. But what happens in bed shouldn’t be the makings of a horror movie. Everyone has a hangup or two about sex and we’re here to help address some of the greatest fears men have about intimacy.
Fear #1: Premature Ejaculation
There are two reasons you don’t want to get there too soon: one, you truly want your partner to enjoy the experience and two, it feels good and you want it to last.
Now there are going to be times when you can’t help it. You’re just over stimulated. When this does happen, be honest with your partner and let them know that you were just so revved up about the experience that the fireworks happened a little too soon.
Offer to pleasure them in another way, maybe orally, manually, or using a toy. Who knows… doing for others may mean getting so stimulated that you get a do-over yourself.
If this becomes a frequent problem, try de-stimulating cream or delay spray for men which can numb the area and help him hold the erection longer.
Fear #2: I’m Not a Porn Star
Um, who is? Not many of us. So let’s get real about those ideal body types. People often don’t look glamorous while having sex and the average man has a penis a little over 3.5”. If she’s into you, she’s into you. Period. So make the most of it.
Just go for it and take off your t-shirt, explore her body with foreplay, and when it’s time to do the deed be responsive and adventurous. Don’t just missionary it out, but rather ask her what she would like. You might be surprised that you’re the beneficiary of a pretty spectacular show.
Fear #3: What If I Can’t Get It Up?
Maybe you’re stressed about an exam or there’s something going on at work that you can’t get off your mind. Maybe your student loan is due but you’re running short this month or maybe your mom called and, well, that’s just awkward.
Look, there are a lot of reasons why a young, healthy guy might be having trouble performing. However, if you’re under 50 and you are frequently experiencing a flaccid penis you might want to schedule an appointment to speak with your doctor because it could be a sign of a more serious issue such as high blood pressure, alcohol abuse, tobacco use, or obesity.
Fear #4: She Wants to Do What Where?
Whoa, when you asked her about fantasies you were probably expecting the usual girl on girl thing, right? Surprise! Your sweet little muffin over there wants to put THAT in THERE on YOU.
Women have fetishes and fantasies too. And while you may not be ready for some dominatrix play, cross-dressing, or sex in a public place, you might enjoy warming up to some gentle prostate massage, spanking, enjoying some rowdy hotel sex, or trying on her panties.
The most important thing, if she brings it up, is to let her know where your boundaries are and then slowly give just a little into her fantasy in ways you are comfortable with. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.
Fear #5: She’s Going to Judge Me
Maybe you left your computer up and she saw that embarrassing last pre-date search, maybe you want to watch porn with her but you’re worried she’ll freak, maybe you secretly wax your back hair and don’t want her to know… here’s the deal, we’re all just people. If you can’t open up and be honest with this person then why are you with them?
So if you miss a week waxing a simple, “Hey, babe, sorry about the stubble. I need to make an appointment to get my back waxed. I want to be smooth for you.” Or, “Oh, you noticed I search how to unhook a bra. Well, let me see if I got that technique right.” And maybe you could just say about porn, “I’d like to try something new with you and you don’t even have to take your clothes off, at least not yet anyway, and if you’re uncomfortable we’ll turn it off.”
If she’s all Miss Judgy McJudgerson then it might be time to rethink things.
Oh, and if you don’t believe us, we pulled ideas for this article from some great sources. Check them out!